


Five Times the Apocalypse was Prevented and One Time it Wasn't

by CottageCheese6535



Category: The Umbrella Academy (Comics), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Fix-It, Gen, I Don't Even Know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-05-05
Packaged: 2019-11-18 19:55:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18125771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CottageCheese6535/pseuds/CottageCheese6535
Summary: In which large, heavy metal doors are opened, creepy obsessive stalkers are exposed, and beautiful concerts go off without a hitch.





	1. Everyone Kicks Luther in the Balls

"Let her go." wrote Allison on her note pad.

Luther sighed. “I can't do that. She hurt you.”

Klaus glanced back at Vanya, inside her big metal cage. She was sobbing and pleading wordlessly behind the thick glass of the window, and didn't exactly look like a threat. If anything, Luther, with his big imposing form, seemed infinitely more dangerous.

Klaus looked back towards Allison. On the other hand, Vanya had supposedly slit Allison’s throat, which was, like, a step up from choking someone, but Luther also locked Vanya in a big pointy box and threw Klaus across a room, so it kinda evened out. Plus, of all the places the big gorilla could have ended up and gotten high after the first chokey incident, it had to be a freakin’ furry rave. Klaus died surrounded by furries. Furries. It was undignified, even for him.

On the other-other hand, Klaus was really tired of all this broody family drama. It was bad enough when it was only Diego and his weird police thing. He was like a discount Batman, except instead of being a billionaire he was poor and lived in a gym, and instead of Alfred the badass-butler, he had Grace the alright-android.

So Klaus cracked his knuckles, bounced up and down a couple of times, then fell over and hit his head on the door with a rather loud bang that got everyone’s attention.

“Uh, is he okay?” said Diego, a little worried but mostly annoyed. Either Klaus had some brilliant plan that would simultaneously stop the end of the world and get Luther to shut up, or he was high again.

It was probably the second one, to be honest.

Diego looked up at Luther, who had stopped having his one-sided conversation with Allison and was now staring at the unconscious Klaus with a bewildered expression Diego was sure was reflected on his own face.

Allison tapped her note pad, getting their attention. "Check him, idiot."

Luther pointed at himself, as if to say 'me? I’m the idiot?'

Allison nodded, as if to say 'yes, idiot.'

Diego facepalmed, as if to say 'idiots.'

Vanya looked thoroughly confused.

Luther hesitantly bent over Klaus, looking back at Allison before touching a massive hand to Klaus’ shoulder. Which, of course, prompted Klaus to sit up and kick Luther in the balls. He bent over, wheezing and cursing. Klaus bounced up and practically flung himself at the door to Vanya’s cell. 

“Psyche!” he yelled, throwing all of his weight onto the big wheely knob that opened the door. 

Vanya just sort of stood there for a second, staring at Klaus, but then she snapped out of it and started banging on the glass again, yelling what looked like nonsense but probably sounded something like “Way to go, Klaus! Give him another kick for me!”

Diego decided to do as Vanya (might’ve) said, and kicked Luther in his Sensitive Parts once again, just as the poor guy was starting to recover, effectively disabling him for the next sixty seconds or so. Diego then joined his now favorite sibling at the door and helped him turn the wheel.

“Ow…” wheezed Luther, still on the ground. 

Allison walked over and kicked him again, but in the side this time. He was tough, he could take it, but she wasn't that crude. Then, she joined Klaus and Diego (and Ben, but he didn't count) at the door. Finally, the wheel began to turn.

Vanya shouted something that looked a little like “Kick him again,” but that might have been wishful thinking on Diego’s part.

Then, the door creaked open, and Vanya fell into everyone’s waiting arms, sobbing her eyes out. Allison quickly wrapped her in a big hug and started stroking her hair, making weird noises that might have been shushing. Klaus quickly went in for the group hug, resting his cheek on top of Vanya’s head. He smiled up at Diego, then yanked him down into the pile of tears and poky elbows. Diego actually had to spit out a bit of Allison’s hair. Yuck.

“I’m sorry,” wailed Vanya, her voice muffled, face buried in Allison’s shoulder. “I didn’t mean to, I promise!”

Allison made a distressed whimpering noise, as if to say 'do something idiots'!

Diego patted Vanya on the head in a somewhat comforting manner.

Suddenly, there was a flash of blue light, and Five appeared, standing over Luther (still on the ground clutching his privates) and holding a newspaper. Everyone looked up at him. “What the hell are you dimwits doing?” he said, trying to come across as demanding but ending up more confused than anything. “Why is everyone crying?”

“Oh, well, it’s actually really simple,” said Klaus, resting his arm on Diego’s head. “You see, big brother here,” he nodded at Luther. “Decided it was a great idea to lock up little Number Seven in a big pointy cage because he thinks she has powers. Naturally, I kicked him in the bits, which then encouraged Diego and Allison to reveal that they also dreamed of one day causing immense physical pain to the chimpanzee in the room.”

Five looked down at Luther, who was once again beginning to recover. He struggled to his feet, using the wall as a crutch. “Five,” he wheezed. “I didn't have a choice. Vanya’s not-”

Five kicked him in the balls. Hard. With vigor. One might even say he enjoyed it.

He looked over Luther’s whimpering form at the remaining siblings. He shrugged. “I didn't want to feel left out.”


	2. Luther is a Good Brother (It's a Low Bar)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Maybe Luther can be a decent human being for once.

Vanya hesitated by the front doors for almost a minute before she finally went inside. When she did, it looked like no one was home. So, naturally, she did what every white woman on TV does.

“Hello?”

No one answered.

“Five? Klaus?”

Still no answer. Vanya crept further into the house, feeling more like a robber than anything. Who would be home? Pogo? Luther? 

Wait, she definitely didn't want to talk to Luther. That had disaster written all over it in large, capital letters. If she really had killed-

Vanya gulped. If she had, Luther would hate her even more than he already did for it. So would all her other brothers. She shouldn’t have come. This was so clearly a mistake. Vanya turned and started to leave, but stopped just short of the door. What else could she do besides stay? She couldn't just go home without knowing if Allison was, by some miracle, still alive. And even if she left, it was like Leonard (Harold?) said. They would figure out it was her, and they would come for her. Or even worse, they would come to invite her to the funeral, which would just be awkward.

“Vanya.” said a rough, weary voice. Vanya turned back to the staircase. It was Luther.

“Luther,” said Vanya, her voice trembling. “Is-” she paused. “Is Allison…”

“She survived.

Vanya felt close to collapsing. Allison was okay. She was alive.

Luther came down the staircase slowly, the light from the window behind him causing him to appear to Vanya as a silhouette, disguising his features and making it nearly impossible to determine if he was angry or not. But then he was at the bottom, and Vanya could see him clearly. Luther wasn't smiling, and his eyes were sad, but he wasn't angry either. He just looked sorry.

“What happened?” he said softly.

Vanya nearly started crying at the understanding tone of his voice. “We got in an argument,” she tried to explain, wrapping her arms around herself. “And things got out of control. I didn't mean to hurt her, please, you have to believe me.”

Luther nodded, looking down, seemingly deep in thought (a first). Finally, he looked back up at her. “I do.”

Then Vanya really did start crying. “It was an accident,” she sobbed. “I was angry. It just happened. I’m sorry.”

Luther looked immensely uncomfortable. “Uh, it’s okay,” he said. 

Vanya pressed a hand to her mouth, trying to muffle her sobs. “I’m sorry,” she said again. “I don’t know what’s going on. Nothing makes sense.” She looked up at Luther. “Could I see her? Please?”

“Uh, she’s resting right now. Maybe later.”

Vanya nodded. That was fair enough. “Could I stay-” she paused, wiping her eyes. “Is it okay if I wait here for a bit?”

Luther nodded. “Of course. This is your home.” He paused for a moment. His brows were furrowed, and he looked like he was arguing with himself over something. 

Apparently coming to an agreement with himself, Luther took a step towards Vanya, knelt down on one knee, and pulled her into a hug. Vanya stiffened, not expecting physical contact from Luther of all people, but then she completely broke down. She melted into Luther’s hug, tears pouring in a steady stream from her eyes. Luther patted her back as she wept, staying unusually quiet for a man of his size and intelligence.

“I’m sorry!” wailed Vanya. “I’m sorry!”

Luther nodded, resting his chin on top of his little sister’s head. “Yeah.”

They sat there for a while, Luther holding Vanya as she wept. Soon, however, the hard wooden floor became too uncomfortable for both of them. Luther helped Vanya up, keeping his massive hand on her tiny shoulder as he walked her down to the infirmary.

This time Vanya did collapse. Right into Allison’s arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So far every chapter seems to end with Vanya having a meltdown in the arms of one of her siblings. We'll see where this goes. Once again, please review so I can come up with the next chapter. Something with Leonard/Harold, maybe.
> 
> This chapter was suggested by M1ssUnd3rst4nd1ng


	3. Vanya Has a Bad Memory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Klaus really can't be trusted to figure out this whole undercover thing on his own.

“Oh, thank God,” said Vanya, finally catching sight of Five. He was gazing dramatically out the window but turned to look at her when she entered his old bedroom. “I was worried sick about-”

“Vanya! Nice of you to join us!”

Vanya stopped in her tracks. “Klaus?”

“Yes!” said Klaus with a flourish, bowing low to the ground. “The one and only!” 

Vanya blinked. She hadn't really spoken to Klaus in years, not since her book, and she felt woefully unprepared for this interaction, more so than she had felt seeing Allison, or Luther, or even Diego. Five was looking at Klaus like he wanted to stab a dull knitting needle through his throat, which made Vanya a little nervous, but she wouldn't mind if he did because then she wouldn't have to socialize as much. 

“Sorry I left without saying goodbye,” said Five, looking away from Klaus and aiming his murder-stare at Vanya instead, though admittedly a little less stabby.

“No, I’m the one that should be sorry,” Vanya reassured Five, relieved that they seemed to be ignoring Klaus for the time being. “I was dismissive, and I guess I didn't know how to process what you were saying.”

“What was he saying?” whispered Klaus to the empty space next to him. “Did I miss something, or are they talking about something else?”

“Something else, Klaus,” said Five, his voice taking an even sharper edge than normal. “Don’t interrupt. Vanya-”

“Then what ARE you talking about?” interrupted Klaus. “Care to clue us in?”

“Us?” questioned Vanya.

“Shut up Klaus,” retorted Five. “I just need you to-” he cut himself off. Then he turned to Vanya and said “Will you come to a big office building with me and pretend to be my mom? I’ll give you twenty bucks.”

Vanya considered it. On the one hand, she would have to hang out with Klaus. On the other hand, she would get to go on an actual mission with her brothers. And on the third hand, twenty dollars. “Okay.”

Five seemed surprised. “Really?”

“I don’t have anything else to do today.”

It was at this point that Klaus felt he needed to intervene. “Whoa whoa whoa. What about my twenty?”

It was Vanya’s turn to be surprised. “He offered it to you first?”

“Yeah, he said he needed someone, and I quote, ‘dumb enough to do it but smart enough to know how’.” Klaus looked at the space next to him again. “That’s actually really poetic. I should get that as my next tattoo.”

Vanya wasn’t sure if she should feel offended or not, so she settled for mildly annoyed. Five at least had the decency to look ashamed of himself. “Sorry, Vanya. You’re not dumb,” he glared at Klaus, who looked like he was starting to disassociate. “Unlike some people.”

Klaus snapped back to attention. “Hey!”

“Let’s just all go together. Klaus and I will pretend to be your mom and dad.”

Five nodded. “That works.”

“Alright, I’ll do it!” said Klaus, jabbing his finger into the air. “But only on one condition.” he took a dramatic pause, soaking in the annoyed and curious looks of Five and Vanya respectively. “I get to be the mom!”

0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Vanya wasn’t exactly sure what had been accomplished by Five’s mission, but she knew that she’d thoroughly enjoyed it, even though it hadn't been going very well at first. Vanya had just sort of sat there while Five yelled at the doctor, until Klaus decided he was going to spice things up a bit.

Of course, Klaus’ idea of spicing things up was physical abuse, namely knocking over Vanya’s chair (with her still in it, ouch) and punching Five in the face. That must have painted a lovely picture of their home life. Still, it did the trick and they got the doctor to look up the eye. Apparently, the eye hadn't been made yet, so that was a dead end. It was fun though. 

Vanya had fun. It was a nice feeling, to be included in something her siblings did for once. Sure, it was only Klaus and Five, but it was still progress. It was really the other three she had to work on. 

Unfortunately, as she realized upon seeing the note taped to her door, she had missed her four o’clock appointment with her new student. Damn. 

Oh, well. She could just call and reschedule. Oddly enough, Vanya didn’t feel nearly as stressed as she usually would in a situation such as the one she was in now. Maybe she was becoming more confident. Wishful thinking, probably, but it would be nice to not feel so terrible all the time. 

Speaking of terrible, she really needed to take her meds. The last time she took them had been…

Wow. That morning? It had been nearly twelve hours since her last dose and she felt fine. Good, even. 

Maybe she should...stop taking it? She didn’t feel anxious or stressed out. She didn’t even mind the bruises she got from when Klaus pushed her over. 

Yeah…

No more meds for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Halfway done! Yay! 
> 
> This chapter was suggested by Roserayrose. P.S. I'm no longer taking suggestions for future chapters.


	4. Allison Has The Brain Cell Today

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There are the things Allison wants to say, and the things she really shouldn't.

I heard a rumor…you think you’re just…ordinary.

“He made me an accomplice,” whispered Allison to herself, staring down at her hands. After so many years of lies, finally, they knew the truth. How could she have forgotten? How could she have missed this glaring mistake, this untruth she had told herself over and over and over for so long? She did all of this to Vanya, told her the words that would make her feel unloved and ordinary, the worst thing you could be in the eyes of their father.

“You did this to me?” 

Vanya’s voice was so small and broken. There were tears in her eyes, unshed, but still there. Allison realized with a start that this was the greatest display of emotion she had ever seen in her sister ever since she could remember.

“I -- I didn't realize-”

“You knew this whole time? That I had powers?”

Vanya’s voice was stronger now, stronger and harder. There was a sharp edge to it, and Allison thought that she could feel Vanya’s words digging into her skin, burrowing down to her heart where she knew it would hurt the most. Allison wondered if that was what it felt like when she spoke her words to people.

“No, no!” said Allison, reassuring Vanya. “I didn't understand until I came today, until I saw it!”

“So this is why you never wanted me around?”

What?

“You couldn't risk me threatening your place in the house!”

There was a wind blowing through the cabin now, much like when Allison had arrived. Except instead of the smooth, gentle waves of Vanya’s music, this was fueled by anger and arguments, cold words spoken in sharp tones and the echoing splinter of sisterhood.

“You couldn't handle the fact that Dad might find me special!”

“You are special! With or without powers!”

She had to calm Vanya down. She remembered that her powers were tied to her emotions, that when she was angry things broke. She needed to stop Vanya before she broke something she couldn't fix.

“Don’t!” roared Vanya, suddenly standing. “Don’t say that!”

“Vanya!” pleaded Allison. “Vanya, please! You have to calm down!”

“No! You destroyed my life!”

“It’s not like that!”

“This is all your fault!” 

Vanya was practically spitting in her face at this point. She was heaving and gasping, her voice raspy and loud, eyes wild and hair blowing in the wind. Her stance was wide, and her hands were clenched into fists. 

She looked insane.

“Vanya, it can all be different now!” said Allison, more aware now than ever that she needed to help her little sister (physical age be damned). “I know you hate me. I hate me too. I hate what I did to you, and I hate what I’ve done to myself.” 

The words Allison spoke poured out of her. Something had ruptured, and now everything she wished she had said came in a storm of feeling and emotion and words. Good words. The truth.

“Nothing I’ve ever done has been true. It’s all been...fake. Wrong. I don't know.”

Vanya’s eyes were confused now. She looked very small. The wind died down a little.

“I did this to you, I know that Vanya...but I didn't mean to. I promise. Dad made me.”

Vanya hardened. “He didn't make you do anything. You could have said no! You could have stopped him!”

The wind blew again.

“I-”

“It would have been so easy for you to stop him!”

“Vanya-”

“WHY DIDN'T YOU DO ANYTHING?”

The wind stopped. It was as if time had frozen, it went silent so quickly. The ceiling light swung back and forth, casting odd shadows over Vanya’s face. She was no longer heaving and gasping, she was calm and collected. Her eyes burned Allison, demanding the answer to a question Allison wasn’t sure she had the answer to. 

Why hadn’t she just said no?

“Because…”

Vanya’s eyes narrowed.

Allison tried again. “Because…”

But she couldn’t keep going. She had no more words. So, instead, she inched closer to Vanya.

“That’s what I thought,” spat Vanya, oblivious to Allison’s slow approach. “I’m not going with you. I’m-“

Allison slammed her fist into the side of her sister’s head. Vanya dropped like a rock, unconscious. Messy, idiotic, and brutal, more Luther’s style, but hopefully when Vanya woke up she would be a little less crazy and a little more…

Well, Allison wasn’t sure what, exactly, but as long as it wasn’t what Vanya had been doing before it would be fine.

There was a knock on the door. It opened, and Vanya’s boyfriend walked through. He saw Allison standing over Vanya’s unconscious body, and blinked at her, obviously confused. “Um…”

“No.”

“Okay.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm small and full of rage, so I wrote this. I love it. Although I don't really know exactly what the other four fix-it chapters are going to be. Please review so I can figure it out, and also because I'm desperate for praise. Toodles!


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